


you & me always (and forever)

by dingletragedy



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, i have no idea what this is except a Mess, it makes no sense and is there even a real plot? idk, soft thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 08:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19884781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dingletragedy/pseuds/dingletragedy
Summary: “Have you ever been in love?”“Maybe,” says Aaron, and although he can’t see it Robert can feel the shrug in his tone. “Don’t really know what love feels like, I suppose.”And yeah, that breaks Robert’s fucking heart.“Mum says that when it happens, you’ll just know, ” Robert starts, turning his head to the left so he’s staring right into Aaron’s eyes - familiar shades of blue washing over him in calm waves. “I think that’s the whole point of love. It burns you inside, makes you need the other person like you need air.”





	you & me always (and forever)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a from a prompt on tumblr (after everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that i love you) but it kinda ended up a little bigger than i first anticipated!
> 
> title from you & me song - the wannadies
> 
> it's also a bit of a mess but i've reread it so many times and now it doesn't make any sense to me so - ta da! enjoy xx

Robert fell in love slowly and gently; almost in the same way the first snowflakes fall in the winter, suspended and with breaths held.

Robert fell in love delicately, almost as delicately as the way Aaron strokes at his arm when Roberts had another argument with Andy. He fell in love with the way Aaron runs his fingers through his hair when they’re both drunk and so bloody happy. He fell in love with the way Aaron always looks at him, so impossibly fond it makes hope flourish in Robert's stomach.

There was no sudden realisation that he’d fallen in love with his best friend, just a bubbling feeling building up in his chest every time he so much as heard Aaron’s name. 

If he’s honest, Aaron has always been there; always present. _His very best friend._ He’d always been there to listen to Robert ramble; always helped him when he needed it. Aaron has always been his best friend, and maybe - no, definitely - the person he cares about the most in the whole world. 

So he should have seen it coming, really. 

He feels guilty, in a way. Aaron is his best friend in the world, and that should be enough, but he's selfish, Robert is. He’s so selfish for wanting everything; everything with Aaron.

He wants to know every version of Aaron there is to know. He wants to know how he looks first thing in the morning, sleep soft and gel-free. He wants to know what it’s like to go to sleep with him by his side, strong arms wrapped around pale skin.

But now, well, he’d gone and ruined it all, hadn’t he?

**two days earlier:**

“Aaron?” he asks, when they’re both sprawled out on the floor of one of the barns, looking at the ceiling, music blaring; just enjoying each other’s company. _(What Robert has always loved the most about their friendship is the way words aren’t always needed between the two of them; they have that kind of connection that writers talk about when they write of soulmates and everlasting bonds)_

Aaron just hums questioningly, and Robert takes a deep breath.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Maybe,” says Aaron, and although he can’t see it Robert can feel the shrug in his tone. “Don’t really know what love feels like, I suppose.”

And yeah, that breaks Robert’s fucking heart. 

“Mum says that when it happens, you’ll just _know,_ ” Robert starts, turning his head to the left so he’s staring right into Aaron’s eyes - familiar shades of blue washing over him in calm waves. “I think that’s the whole point of love. It burns you inside, makes you need the other person like you need air.”

His feelings for Aaron soon resembled a flame that had been fed with gasoline, and now Robert understands what Sarah meant when she said that. He wonders if Aaron’s even felt the burn, selfishly, he hopes so, but mostly he just wished he could be the person that gets to make Aaron feel that way. 

_In another life, maybe._

“Alright Shakespeare,” says Aaron, a teasing smile on his face, “you sound like you know exactly what you’re talkin’ about.”

“I think - maybe I do,” Robert lies, because he does - * _he knows_ \- he’s in love. He’s in love with his best friend. And Roberts probably an idiot for not noticing the way Aaron’s ears prick up and shoulders slump all at once. 

“Oh?” is the only thing Aaron says in response, sounding somewhat deflated, and Robert’s hope dies a little because he had been hoping that Aaron would be able to read it in his eyes.

He looks back up to the ceiling again, missing the way Aaron’s gaze lingers on him for a moment too long.

Robert doesn't know the ways in which Aaron falls in love; fast and without an ounce of finesse, like a tsunami hitting the shore and destroying everything in its reach.

It’s a messy kind of love Aaron feels, the type that keeps him awake at night, the type he wishes would disappear, but at the same time, don’t want to let out of his grip. 

Robert isn’t aware how much Aaron hates this feeling, this burning desire, because it puts him through so much pain; pain that he won’t ever be able to settle. But he doesn’t want to let go, either. He doesn’t know if he ever will after knowing that loving Robert feels like _this._

Aaron loves being in love, but he fucking hates it just as much.

The comfortable silence their both so used to has escaped the barn, replaced by a tension thick enough to cut with a knife. “You alright?” asks Robert, desperate to diffuse it. 

“Yeah. Yeah cool,” Aaron lies. 

“Right, you’re obviously not,” Robert states, trying to keep his voice relaxed. “Was it the love thing? Sorry if I upset you, or whatever.”

“Uh - no - no it wasn’t - it’s fine.”

“Okay…,” Robert leaves in the air, spectacle. 

“I - I need to tell you something,” Aaron announces suddenly, voice bold but not without a tremble. 

“Right?” Robert questions, turning to face Aaron, and there’s a look in his eyes Robert just can’t place. “And what would that be?”

The words are burning on the tip of Aaron’s tongue, wanting to be said but not quite daring. 

“I think I’m in love, too,” he blurts out.

“You’re in love?” repeats Robert. He takes a deep breath and looks at his feet. “That’s - uh - nice?” And even to Robert’s own ears, his voice sounds fake. 

Fuck, he sounds like he’s taking the piss. 

“You know what, forget it-” Aaron spouts, standing abruptly. 

“Woah, Aaron. What do you want me to say?”

“I - I don’t know,” he replies, “but I’d sure as hell prefer it if you didn’t take the piss!” 

And yeah, Robert’s really fucked this up hasn’t he? 

“Well, I guess that makes two of us.” 

“What?”

“You! I tell you I’m in love and you barely even acknowledge I’ve said anything?”

“Well, maybe it’s cos I don’t believe ya!” And right, they’re shouting now. Cutting each other where it hurts. 

“You what?”

“You heard. I don’t believe ya Robert,” Aaron repeats, “how could someone like you ever be in love?” 

It’s cool in the barn now, all warmth is replaced by a shocking chill. The air runs up Robert’s back quick like fingertips, leavings goosebumps behind.

“Someone like me?” Robert questions, a tremor in his voice that only Aaron and his harsh words could ever elect out of him.

“Yeah. _A player_ . Always out for what you can get, no concern for anyone else’s feelings, ain’t that right?” Aaron shouts, harsher than Robert has ever heard him.

“And how exactly have you come to that conclusion? Please enlighten me?” And yeah, this nice afternoon sure did escalate quickly. 

“Because-” Aaron starts, but the words seem to fizzle on his tongue, along with all the fight in his body. 

“Because?” Robert prompts, patience wearing thin.

“Because I’ve been in love with ya for so fucking long*, that’s why!”

 _Shit_.

The way Aaron’s pupils are burning into Robert’s is almost painful, sending shivers down his spine. He’s waiting for Robert’s words, Robert knows that, only they’re stuck somewhere deep down inside him, half-formed because he doesn’t know what he should say. 

He knows what he wants to say, though. 

_I love you too._

Only Robert spends to long thinking about it and the next thing he hears is Aaron dismissing his love confession with a tremble in his voice before he all but runs away.

Robert wants to run after him, he needs to, but then heart stumbles, crashes and breaks against his breastbone like a tidal wave. It’s cold like ocean water too, and painfully sobering.

 _I’ve been in love with ya for so fucking long_ _*_ echoes endlessly in his ears, and he commits it to memory without wanting to - the exact way Aaron’s voice broke in the middle of the word.

 _Love,_ his own brain whispers back to him, plastering it all over the inside of his skull, until he feels like he’s going to explode with it. _Love,_ rustles around his lungs when he puts a hand on his chest to try and calm his breathing. _Love, his skin whispers against the chill seeping his bones._

_Love._

_Aaron loves him._

_He loves Aaron._

_The only difference is, Robert’s never voiced it out loud._

**present:**

The night is humid, almost unbearably so. Robert can feel the sweat building on the back of his neck, t-shirt sticking slightly. He can’t bring himself to care, though, in fact, it’s getting harder to feel anything at all, other than the dread bubbling in his stomach.

The sound of his own footsteps against the gravel of the Woolpack path sound like bullets, each one leading him closer to his death. 

He comes to a stop the moment he reaches the back door, the yellow lights bathing the porch sting his eyes. His finger lingers over the doorbell, petrified, seconds dripping like honey, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head that’s pleading him to just go back outside into the night. He closes his eyes slowly, breathing in, filling up his lungs. He fights the instinct, biting his lips, trying to reason with his own mind. It’s, just - he can’t take another fight, not tonight. He just can’t. He feels his heart as bruised and swollen as his throat.

He tries to conjure an image of what could be waiting for him on the other side, different images of Aaron sulking, angry, all snark and bullets. But there’s another one, amongst the rest, stark white against the blur - it’s Aaron, all small and tired and drowning in blankets. It’s bags under his eyes as deep as bruises and a beard unkempt and rurly. The tenderness of it gets Robert’s heart thumping so loudly he fears all of Yorkshire might be able to hear it. 

When he finally finds the courage to ring the doorbell, he’s met with silence. A deafeningly loud silence. But luckily he knows Aaron’s family, and he knows that they’re the most predictable in Yorkshire, so he digs out the key from under the nearest plant pot. _They’re practically asking to get burgled.*_

The door slides open with ease when he turns the key and lets out a quiet hiss against the cold metal. Once he’s inside Robert closes the door after himself with a barely audible snik, and pads up the stairs slowly; quietly. The silence that greets him as he reaches the landing top is eerie, too thick, almost. And for a moment Robert wonders if he’s alone in the back.

Maybe Aaron had gone out, maybe he was on a mission; a mission of drowning his sorrow and forgetting Robert ever existed. Or worse, maybe he was losing himself in the lips and moans of someone else. 

When he reaches Aarosn’s bedroom he’s met by a barely-distinguishable lump under the covers, but Robert knows Aaron’s not sleeping. He can tell by the way his chest is rising and falling a beat too quickly, and the way both of his arms are tucked under the covers. (let it be known that Aaron Dingle always sleeps with one arm hanging off his bed, it has something to do with ghosts tickling it in the night, * _don’t ask_ ). 

And he can’t help but soften a little at the sight of him. 

Robert thinks about switching the lights on for a moment, but decides against it and rests his frame against the door instead, trying to compose himself and not let his bout of panic show. He doesn’t think Aaron would appreciate it right now. 

Once he’s done he whispers Aaron’s name quietly into the room.

Aaron throws the blankets to the side as an answer, almost carelessly. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of old jogging bottoms, and Robert instantly recognises them as his bad day joggers. “Come here?” Aaron almost pleads, voice quiet and hoarse. 

And Robert doesn’t know what’s happening exactly, the memory of them screaming at each a few hours previously is still fresh in his mind. He wonders, briefly, if this is the calm before the storm, like it’s been so many times before. If they’re going to speak softly only for the edges to cut them again where it hurts the most before the bleed out eternally. 

Despite that, _*despite knowing the damage they can cause each other by not talking,_ Robert doesn’t think he has it in him to keep fighting with his best friend, not tonight. So he follows Aaron’s request, he moves himself around the familiar dark room with ease before he’s settling himself down in the bed beside Aaron. 

The silence weighs down on the night, almost physical, and he’s suddenly scared of whatever comes next.

It’s only a couple of seconds before he feels it, though - the weight of Aaron’s body shifting on the bed, the sudden pressure of his head resting on his shoulder, soft and sure. Aaron lets his cheek rest in the crook of his neck, and Robert allows it. 

“I’m sorry,” Aaron mumbles into Robert’s jumper. 

His words sound tired and small and Robert answers by instinct, burying his nose in Aaron unruly curls, breathing in the smell of his cheap shampoo. “You don’t have to be.”

“Yeah, I do,” he answers, “I’ve ruined everything.” 

“Course you haven’t,” Robert replies, because he hasn’t, Robert won’t allow it. Aaron’s his best friend and so much more - he’s wise enough to know when someone’s worth fighting for. 

“Course I ‘ave,” Aaron sniffles, “I’ve broken the golden rule - don’t fall in love with your best mate.”

“Aaron-”

“No. Don’t. Rob - just don’t-”

Everything feels quiet. The room, the world, even Aaron. His pleas are hoarse, like he’s just woken up from hours of sleep on end. He probably has, most of the time, when Aaron’s having a rough day and Robert can’t reach him he tucks himself under the covers. 

The only thing that’ll coax him out again in a slice of Sarah’s famous chocolate cake. 

“You don’t have to be here, Rob. I’m fine,” Aaron says, and then: “I’m not gonna do anything stupid.”

“I know. I want to be here, ya numpty.” 

“Yeah but I told ya I love ya and now you’re in love with someone else and this is such a mess,” Aaron cries, tears tracking down his face already.

“It’s you,” breathes Robert, words cutting the tension like a sharp knife. He sees the way Aaron’s lips part slightly, the bottom one trembling as he catches it between his teeth. There’s a doubt in his eyes and Robert hates it so much. “It’s you, Aaron.”

“Me? What is?”

“It’s you I’m in love with, ya idiot,” Robert whispers softly, saying the words into Aaron’s hair. His own cheeks damp with tears that Robert doesn’t remember letting escape. 

“Wha-,” Aaron starts, and Robert doesn’t think he’s ever seen him look so shocked in all his life. “I - I mean - well are you sure?”

And Robert can’t help but laugh, because Aaron’s reaction is exactly what he’d always imagines _(and he’d imagined it many times before.)*_ “I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”

“You love me?” mumbles Aaron, amazed.

_Hopeful.*_

“I love you,” He repeats, a little more confident in his words now. “I love you too, Aaron,” he finishes, cupping Aaron’s jaw and trying to tell him as much.

_“You’re definitely sure? You’re not going to change your mind are you?”_

“After everything, you still don’t believe I love you?” Roberts asks, hurt settling in his bones. 

“No. I do. I know, and that’s that scares me.” 

“Same ‘ere! So let’s be scared together, yeah? Robert says, _and then:_ “Well I mean - only if you still - if you don’t its-”

“Of course I do. You’re everything, Robert” Aaron whispers against the blushing skin of Robert’s cheek, pressing a kiss there. “I love ya Rob, always have, reckon I always will.”

In the end, neither boy could have told you which one of them had moved first but suddenly their foreheads are touching. Aaron’s breath breaks against Robert’s cheek; warm and damp and intimate, somehow. And when Aaron tilts his head up and kisses him, Robert welcomes him with lips parted and drinks him in. 

He tilts up into the burn of Aaron's breath, seeking more, needing more, even if this doesn't mean anything, even if it never happens again, even if Aaron’s going to regret it all come day daylight. It’s just… Aaron’s kissing him, and it’s probably some crack in the fibre of the universe that’s allowing such a thing to happen, but Robert will take it.

He lets his hands wander into Aaron’s hair, untangling the curls and soothing them over. “Fuck,” he breathes into Aaron’s mouth, “wanted this for so long.”

Aaron shuts him up with another kiss, and another, until the room is only filled with the soft noises of their lips touching. Robert gets a little adventurous, pressing his tongue to Aaron’s, and Aaron huffs in surprise. He responds in kind, a slow, raspy slide along Robert’s bottom lip, and presses closer. He holds on to Aaron with a tight grip, but his fingers stay gentle. 

Kissing Aaron feels like the sun and the moon and the stars coming out all at once. He kisses and kisses and kisses Aaron with everything he’s got. With each and every sun, moon and star Aaron brings to his life. 

He feels warm all the way to his fingertips, burning where he’s touching Aaron’s side, squeezing his shoulder. He moves a little bit, trying to chase the warmth – that’s when Aaron makes a noise and pulls away.

His pupils are blown wider than Robert has ever seen them before, an ocean blue that Robert has been lost in more times than he’ll ever admit. He looks startled, more than anything – nothing like the quiet contentment Robert is feeling.

“Okay?” he asks, pressing an open palm to Aaron’s chest in concern.

“Yeah,” Aaron voices, and his eyes flutter shut. “Just, uh. Got a little carried away.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Robert pushes, “we don’t have to do anything - not tonight.”

“Just wanna sleep,” Aaron mumbles, and yeah, Robert has to admit, he looks worn out. “Haven’t been able to speak, too much going on up ‘ere,” he finishes as he gestured to his head. 

And yeah, Robert feels that too. 

“I should go - let you get some sleep,” Robert suggests.

“No!” is Aaron’s response, it’s said with such ferocity it almost knocks Robert off the bed, “I - I mean - will ya stay? Please?” 

“Of course I will,” Robert answers without missing a beat. He wraps an arm around Aaron’s waist and tangles them back in the sheets. 

“I love you.” He whispers as they fall asleep, words meant only for Aaron’s ears, and he hears them, Robert knows, because his hands move to grasp his wrists, pulling his arms to wrap around Aaron’s own body. And they fit perfectly, as if every part of Robert was made to fit Aaron’s. 

If somebody had told Robert, a few months ago, that he’d find everything he never knew he was searching for right under his nose, he would have laughed. Today, with Aaron cradled in his arms and the sky their only limit, he thinks he’s learned not to underestimate _magic._


End file.
